Today i am feeling the loss in a deep deep way. A loss that I never anticipated, never imagined. A loss of Sam, my 19 year old brother from another mother, whom passed away in a sudden, unbelievable way on April 5. Being in southern California for the last 3 months gave me the gift of seeing, loving, experiencing life with Sam everyday, and allowed for him and i to cultivate, participate, and share the dreams and desires we had for our lives. he shared with me how he saw my life unfolding. what will be next for my life. how excited he was to watch my brilliance explode. Sam saw me, really saw me. Never questioned my motives, my passions, my desires. he lifted me up by supporting my thoughts and ideas. He was a cheerleader for the paths we are all walking.
Since the passing of Sam in the physical form I have entered into a role that I am surprised I could handle. I became a gate keeper, a body guard for the family. Holding the high watch for the feelings to be felt, memories to be remembered. I stepped right into a role of service to the Murray family, and by serving the family, I was being served. I learned the value of listening to my heart, and trusting what was 'mine' to do. I was gifted the 'job' of being an archway to the outside world. It was overwhelming at times, joyful, and above all I felt Sam was my guide on this new path.
I nicknamed Sam "Samsonite" years ago. His brother Joe always told me Sam hated nicknames but Samsonite he loved. I never understood why I called him that. Now i get it. he is reliable, dependable, durable, and top shelf quality. Always has been always will be.
The path from this point is foggy to me. I feel I was placed here, at this house, with this family, at this exact time, at the perfect point in all our lives. Sam was known for saying "everything happens for a reason" yep, I couldn't agree more. And now I continue to trust the process...knowing I am here on purpose. Here on this planet, in physical form, on purpose.
Some things for me to remember and remind myself, as I/we are experiencing this next chapter. The following are some Sam'ism's
1. feel the feelings to heal
2. Every moment is a treasure, a gift, we have no idea our expiration date
3. seeds of possibility were planted within me...it is now my job to water and nurture the growth
4. play in the dirt
5. eat locally and seasonally
6. be remarkable at being yourself
7. cherish everyone you have in your life, have no fear in sharing your love with them, hug your loves
8. if you want to learn something new, do it. google how, you tube it, every resource is available to us....literally at our finger tips
9. laugh out loud...have your joy be contagious
10. every thing we do impacts others. make responsible, conscious, beneficial choices. Let our grandchildren be grateful for our caring of this planet.
Awe the thoughts are flowing. i am delighted with the time i did have with brother Sam. I have no regrets, or anger. I have memories of laughter, playing, adventures, playing music, cooking with one another, creating new catch phrases. Life is in session. Sam is all around, that I know is truth.
I won't let you down brother. I will be the greatest me i can be, and more. I love you Samsonite, always, in all ways.
deepest gratitude
KnM
amazing. remarkable. way to be bad ass.
ReplyDeletelove you. miss you.
(this is micah by the way. i created a blog 2 years ago and still cannot shake that blog name. i posted once)
awww. sounds like an incredible guy, samsonite.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your words and emotions, sister. much love to you. 'life is in session.' and in season too :)
xoxo