i sat and watched for only time knows how long. the sun beaming and kissing my skin, turning a soft chill into a bursting warm hug. hands rested upon my knees as i closed my eyes to look inside. my mind was the still asleep and i smiled with gratitude. my mind resting is a treasured gift.
i feel woken up from a place inside that has been resting while my mind has been awake. witnessing life all around in all its glory, and seeing my feet on the earth, knowing i am seeing from a higher perspective. and lets be honest, it is not comfortable at first.
then i realized it is Wednesday...and yet who cares really? it is another day. another day that i have. that you have. another chapter for the book we are writing. i have no idea what the day has in store for me, i do know i don't have to Tolerate the day, I can fall deeply madly in love with it, I can dance with it.
moments in a day can take our minds to far off places. places of disappointment and anger. happiness and triumph.
interactions with people can cause us to be inspired and supported, defeated and scared. Many times all in the same conversation.
conversations with ourselves can lead to lists of victory and success, failure and have-to's.
the first thought when we awake is an indication of what we brew on during sleep.....the amazing lessons learned when we allow the mind to quiet and allow the brilliance flow in the most magnificent way/ways ever. falling asleep at night with things unsaid, embraces not felt, and especially falling into slumber with a hint of anger formulates unsettling thoughts in the subconscious, and it becomes alive in the dream world.
remember dreaming as a child? dreaming was so delicious. it seemed to always be so vibrant and creative. dreams of flying and playing. waking up was so easy, deciding to start the day by running into our parents room and loving them, waking them up to be apart of the day with you, creating lists of projects that involved playing in the sprinklers, digging holes, hiding and seeking, eating with our hands, getting dirty, throwing, catching.....so so good.
I'm learning to forgive myself for letting that child grow up. for taking life's wonders for granted. for allowing my fears to control my passion. for letting myself feel disappointment. for being embarrassed for my laughter. for being in a totally different place in my life at age 30 than i thought i would be. for falling asleep mad. for being out of control at times. for not letting my mind have rest. for serving everyone else, and serving myself last. for feeling like a taxi driver and not a friend. for taking everything personally. for hiding behind, under, and all over my humor.
today i forgive myself.
i appreciate the lesson today. The way i woke. the way i will fall asleep and everything in between. a perfect Wednesday. i am grateful for the times i feel "less than" so I can be understanding to the times i feel more than. I am grateful i slept so that i could wake up.
"Forgiveness is the greatest kind of love there is
Best believe in what you can't see
Let faith be your evidence
You gotta shine a light on the path back to your home
Cause after all, forgiveness it is a long damn road"
BD and JM
living life in a good way, this day